Latest Funny Jokes 2017
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!”
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Sherlock
Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of
wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes
awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell
me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of
stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in
Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past
three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small
and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful
day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then
spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
***************************************************************
There
were four men, one from China, Greenland, America and one
from Australia.
One night they were bragging on how good their country are. The
Chinese said, "my country is the best cause we have the great
wall."
The Greenlander said, "no, mine is the best as we have the
greenest greenest grass."
The American said, "no, mine is the best as we have our flag 50
stars and 50 stripes."
The Australian said, "no, mine is the greatest country as we
have the kangaroo which will jump over the great wall, shit on
the greenest greenest grass and wipe its ass on the American
flag."
***************************************************************
Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always
be found
hard at work at his desk. He works
independently, without
wasting company time talking to
colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow
employees, and always
finishes given assignments on time.
Often he takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes
skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual
who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high
accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe
that Bob can be
classed as an asset employee, the type
which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly
recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a
proposal will be
executed as soon as possible
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you
earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
*************************************************
hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
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